Day Two : Los Angeles to Las Vegas

Greetings, dear reader, from what has proved to be a very very hot LasVegas.

I need to start this post with an apology - due to an editorial disagreement (i.e. Dumpy taking exception to continually being the butt of my jokes), some this post mysteriously disappeared between me completing the original draft and deciding to post it. I'm not sure how this happened (although Dumpy was left alone with the PC for a few minutes) but I would like to apologise to anyone who felt incomplete over the weekend due to there not being an update to read.

Actually, writing the blog is proving to be quite a challenging experience .... firstly, the days we are in the saddle, so to speak, are quite long and tiring, and so far all we have wanted to do is get off the bikes, get to the pool, and get a Bud. This is typically followed by a bit of a wash, and then out to dinner, before collapsing in a heap in an attempt to get some rest before the following day. What I am basically trying to say is that it's difficult to find the time to keep you all amused !

Of course, one solution would be to write this in the wee small hours when we find ourselves awake as our bodies continue to come to terms with the bodyclock blues so eloquently described by Boss Hogg a couple of days ago, and indeed your author finds himself writing this at 04:23 PT as sleep seems to have disappeared for the night. The issue that this brings is that my "roomie" is still trying to get some beauty sleep (and let's face it, he needs it) and so it would be unfair of me to write this in our bedroom. Therefore for this reason, this post is coming to you direct from the bathroom of room 4.08.21 the Stratoshere in Las Vegas - a sort of "blog from the bog"!

I will continue to try and snatch a few minutes with you, dear reader, over the coming days, but hopefully you will understand the conditions under which I am being forced to work, and will be kind ot me if i fail to meet your high expectations. I'll probably also try to leave off Dumpy for a while in the hope he doesn't delete other carefully crafty comments in a fit of pique.

So ..... back to the story, and day one - Los Angeles to Las Vegas. I believe that we left you with Boss's comments on not being able to sleep, and so it was that at 06:00 PT, after about three hours "sleep", four of us (Boss, Ginger, Daddy, and myself|) found themselves recreating the famous "waterhole" scene from the Wild Hogs, thankfully without the assistance of any California Highway Patrolmen !

After our constitutional, Dumpy was rounded up, and the Mild Hogs attacked the breakfast room. Now, in the planning sessions reading up to the tour, it was vaguely agreed that we should “go large” on our breakfasts in order that we could eat a light lunch. There was even the suggestion that we might spirit away a few items that could even form the aforementioned lunch. Well, dear reader, you have never saw anything like it – it was like a plague of starving locusts coming across a field of whatever a discerning locusts like to eat – there was nothing left at the end. A couple of oriental tourists completed the scene, prompting one hog to comment that it was like "breakfast at tyfannys meets the karate kid"

Boss started the debacle when he had 4 eggs “over easy”, 4 sausages, 3 hash browns, and 5 maple pancakes, washed down with about 3 gallons of coffee. To be honest, neither Daddy wasn't much better  - and whilst your author only had ½ slice of toast and a cup of green tea – Ginger took the biscuit, and thr rest of the fare on offer by shovelling away about 35,000 calories before taking a Tesco carrier bag from his pocket, and cramming it to the top with delicacies such as bagels, granola, waffles, hash browns, grits, Danish pastries, etc, shouting “fill your boots lads”.

After Daddy had checked that we had all been to the toilet, it was time to head off to Laidlaw’s Harley Davidson, to meet both our trusty steeds for the trip, and our mate Ty.

Checking out the bikes was a remarkably painless experience - Ty and his colleagues were brilliant with us - and it was at about 10:11 PT that we found ourselves wobbling out of the Laidlaw’s parking lot (it’s a car park  !!!!!! – Ed) before hitting the up ramp of the San Bernadino freeway (Interstate 10) and at last giving the bikes a bit of right wrist!

OH - MY - GOD

It probably took us about half an hour to get totally comfortable on the bikes, and finally allow ourselves to relax, but when we did, the realisation suddenly stuck the Hogs that we were in Los Angeles, on the back of Harley Davidson motorcycles, and that we were heading for Las Vegas and beyond. It was a brilliant feeling, and judging from the giggling and excited chatter heard over our intercoms, your author was not the only one who was enjoying himself.

The first leg of the journey was from Baldwin Park to Barstow, via I10, I15, off onto Route 66 (unfortunately no “girls, my lord, in a flat bad ford, slowing down to take a look at Daddy”), before finally stopping at Barstow to get some "gas".

After a light lunch, kindly supplied by Gimger, it was back onto the I15 and through the Mojave Desert, the boundaries of which are usually defined by the presence of Yucca Brevifolia. One wonders if U2 would have sold quite as many copies of an album called Yucca Brevifloia, or whether the “Joshua Tree” was indeed a better bet. Whatever, his proximity to the symbol of such an iconic album prompted Dumpy to bear witness to his love of the Edge by giving us a rendition of “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for” Thankfully the rest of the Hogs were able to find the off button on their radios.

After another 150 miles, or 3 hours including 14 toilet breaks (well Daddy is 72 and the control isn’t what it used to be), the city of Las Vegas finally appeared on the horizon. The ride into ‘Vegas gave the Hogs their first real experience of riding the bikes in traffic, a potentially hazardous experience given the size and weight of the bikes, and our relative inexperience of riding them. Thankfully, it didn’t turn out to be anywhere near as perilous as it could have been, we arrived at our hotel in one piece after riding some 270 miles.

As mentioned above, our first stop after checking into the hotel was the pool on the eigth floor, but given that my roomate has now arisen, and wishes to add his own special slant to Saturdays proceedings, I yield control of the computer to Dumpy Hog, will save the details of our time in Las Vegas until my next installment.

However, just before I go, it’s time for ……

“Paddy’s Final Thought”

After yesterdays overly sentimental final thought, your author has decided that today’s offering will be more in line the image of the tough bikers we are trying to portray. Grrrrrrr !!!

Therefore today’s thought is about the similarities between a glass of cold beer at the end of long days riding, and the Mild Hogs USA Tour itself.

Firstly, there is the suggestion that one might be able to “go for a pint”

Then there is the planning – what pub should we go to, how should we get there, what clothes should we wear, will we be insured, can we take our helmets in the pub, etc.?

Next is the anticipation – the counting of the months, weeks and finally days before we get to go to the pub

Then there is the moment of doubt – will the beer be as good as we hoped, will there be a fight at the pub, will we be chased across Death Valley by some Rednecks shouting “I’m a gonna make you squeal like a pig”

Then there is the first sip – the beginning of something that has been planned for years and the realisation that it is finally here

Next is savouring the pint itself

Then there is the sense of disappointment as you realise that the beer is slowly coming to an end

Then there is the hope that one might be able to partake of the experience again

And, finally, there is the sense of hope dashed as the ever patient Mrs Hogg says “you have another pint and I’m off “

"Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other".