Days Three, Four, Five etc. etc.

Greetings, dear reader, from a little town called Pismo Beach on the west coast of the USA. Until a few minutes ago, I was sitting here listening to the sound of the Pacific ocean lapping against the beach that sits about 30 yards from my and Dumpy's window. However, given that our room has been "Hog's HQ" all week, the rest of the rabble have returned from the restaurant, and the gentle sound of the sea has been replaced with a Jerry Springer like show on the tele. At least one of the rabble (Ginger) has brought some beers back with him, so every cloud has a silver lining.

Anyway, the more observant of you will have noticed that the blog has been sadly lacking in updates since earlier in the week - in fact I think that the last you heard, the Hogs had just arrived in Las Vegas, and were about to head for the pool. Sitting here in Pismo, all of that seems so long ago, especially given the amount that we have managed to pack into the last week or so, and we are very conscious that we have not kept you up to date with progress. The problem is that we have been sooooooo busy, we haven't had time to let you know our progress, and so in an attempt to so this, here are just a few of the highlights of the Hogs USA tour to date .....

First Sight of the bikes

 We all needed beards!

 Saturday Evening (Las Vegas)

Sunday (Hoover Dam, Grand Canyon Helicopter trip)

Monday (Death Valley / High Sierra, including Geoff getting lost)

 

Tuesday (Yosemite)

Wednesday (San Francisco)

 

Britney (I fell in love in LA! Dumpy.)

More to follow ......

Dumpy's journey from Brixworth to Las Vegas

5.30am arrives on Friday 18th September 2010 an i arise a little excited about the trip that we have been planning for well over 2 years. 6.30 and the Hogs arrive exactly as planned. We greet, give the lovely Mrs Dumpy (if you cant beat them ...) a kiss farewell and of we go (I couldn't say farewell to junior dumpy as she had gone a concert and stayed at a mates house the night before).

We arrive at Heathrow T3 and by 8.30 we are all checked in and ready to go, unfortunately the plane doesn't leave until 11.50, so what are we to do?

9.10am and first pint in hand with the breaky on order, all good.


The flight was just long and horrible, will somebody please hurry up and invent a teleportation pod and do away with long haul flights, i hate flying! It was all pretty uneventful and we arrive in L.A. knackered but happy with the idea that we are all that bit closer to meeting our transport for the week, something i cant wait for.


After a quick meal, a few more beers we head of to bed. The next day arrives and as paddy as already reported (by the way this is probably the first semi accurate information he has written and of course that is slightly exaggerated)we ate our fill of breakfast. Now I had managed to lose 22lbs prior to this trip, and i think that all went back on in a single sitting, but it was good, very good.


7.30am and Ty from Laidlaws Harley Davidson (spelt correctly this time) came to collect us from the hotel. We load up his truck with all the bags and in true team style the 4 of them jumped a board with no room for me and off they went. I had to wait for the 2nd trip.


5 minutes later (I could have walked really) and i am at the dealership and there it is. a Black 2009 Heritage softtail Classic with a post-it note stuck to headlamp that reads 'Matthew Partridge', its all mine for the week and its gorgeous!

We get the paper work done all smooth and I suddenly Realise that i am s******* my self. The bike is about £18,000 worth, its not mine, I have only ever ridden one on a test drive, we need to be on the wrong side of the road and the last bike i owned .. well lets just say it ended in tears! I am crapping my self but so excited its un-true, and as i look around i can see that every one else is feeling the same.

We get loaded up, have a couple of practise laps around the car park and we are off!


Straight onto the Motorway (freeway for the locals) in quite heavy traffic.

The bike is an absolute dream to ride and very comfortable. Ginger hog leads the way and all is fine. 240 miles later and we arrive in Vegas, extremely hot, knackered and if i am honest glad that the first leg is out the way. 15 minutes later and we are at the pool with a beer in hand. The following couple of hours led to a couple on incidence that i wont go into detail on suffice to say I haven't laughed so much for years!

We scrubbed up and went out in for a nose about and some food.
The place is like Blackpool on acid, massive lights and scanterly glad women every where (I hated it Jools honest). We went to a place called Margaritaville (classy sounding hey!) then a wander around The strip. I wanted to go a recreate the closing scene from Oceans 11 at the Belagio, but unfortunately about a 100,000 other people had the same idea!

I am glad i have seen Las Vegas but i am not sure i would want to rush back.

It is now around 1am and I am sat in a hotel room in San Fransisco (will get to that later) so I am signing of for now.

Day Two : Los Angeles to Las Vegas

Greetings, dear reader, from what has proved to be a very very hot LasVegas.

I need to start this post with an apology - due to an editorial disagreement (i.e. Dumpy taking exception to continually being the butt of my jokes), some this post mysteriously disappeared between me completing the original draft and deciding to post it. I'm not sure how this happened (although Dumpy was left alone with the PC for a few minutes) but I would like to apologise to anyone who felt incomplete over the weekend due to there not being an update to read.

Actually, writing the blog is proving to be quite a challenging experience .... firstly, the days we are in the saddle, so to speak, are quite long and tiring, and so far all we have wanted to do is get off the bikes, get to the pool, and get a Bud. This is typically followed by a bit of a wash, and then out to dinner, before collapsing in a heap in an attempt to get some rest before the following day. What I am basically trying to say is that it's difficult to find the time to keep you all amused !

Of course, one solution would be to write this in the wee small hours when we find ourselves awake as our bodies continue to come to terms with the bodyclock blues so eloquently described by Boss Hogg a couple of days ago, and indeed your author finds himself writing this at 04:23 PT as sleep seems to have disappeared for the night. The issue that this brings is that my "roomie" is still trying to get some beauty sleep (and let's face it, he needs it) and so it would be unfair of me to write this in our bedroom. Therefore for this reason, this post is coming to you direct from the bathroom of room 4.08.21 the Stratoshere in Las Vegas - a sort of "blog from the bog"!

I will continue to try and snatch a few minutes with you, dear reader, over the coming days, but hopefully you will understand the conditions under which I am being forced to work, and will be kind ot me if i fail to meet your high expectations. I'll probably also try to leave off Dumpy for a while in the hope he doesn't delete other carefully crafty comments in a fit of pique.

So ..... back to the story, and day one - Los Angeles to Las Vegas. I believe that we left you with Boss's comments on not being able to sleep, and so it was that at 06:00 PT, after about three hours "sleep", four of us (Boss, Ginger, Daddy, and myself|) found themselves recreating the famous "waterhole" scene from the Wild Hogs, thankfully without the assistance of any California Highway Patrolmen !

After our constitutional, Dumpy was rounded up, and the Mild Hogs attacked the breakfast room. Now, in the planning sessions reading up to the tour, it was vaguely agreed that we should “go large” on our breakfasts in order that we could eat a light lunch. There was even the suggestion that we might spirit away a few items that could even form the aforementioned lunch. Well, dear reader, you have never saw anything like it – it was like a plague of starving locusts coming across a field of whatever a discerning locusts like to eat – there was nothing left at the end. A couple of oriental tourists completed the scene, prompting one hog to comment that it was like "breakfast at tyfannys meets the karate kid"

Boss started the debacle when he had 4 eggs “over easy”, 4 sausages, 3 hash browns, and 5 maple pancakes, washed down with about 3 gallons of coffee. To be honest, neither Daddy wasn't much better  - and whilst your author only had ½ slice of toast and a cup of green tea – Ginger took the biscuit, and thr rest of the fare on offer by shovelling away about 35,000 calories before taking a Tesco carrier bag from his pocket, and cramming it to the top with delicacies such as bagels, granola, waffles, hash browns, grits, Danish pastries, etc, shouting “fill your boots lads”.

After Daddy had checked that we had all been to the toilet, it was time to head off to Laidlaw’s Harley Davidson, to meet both our trusty steeds for the trip, and our mate Ty.

Checking out the bikes was a remarkably painless experience - Ty and his colleagues were brilliant with us - and it was at about 10:11 PT that we found ourselves wobbling out of the Laidlaw’s parking lot (it’s a car park  !!!!!! – Ed) before hitting the up ramp of the San Bernadino freeway (Interstate 10) and at last giving the bikes a bit of right wrist!

OH - MY - GOD

It probably took us about half an hour to get totally comfortable on the bikes, and finally allow ourselves to relax, but when we did, the realisation suddenly stuck the Hogs that we were in Los Angeles, on the back of Harley Davidson motorcycles, and that we were heading for Las Vegas and beyond. It was a brilliant feeling, and judging from the giggling and excited chatter heard over our intercoms, your author was not the only one who was enjoying himself.

The first leg of the journey was from Baldwin Park to Barstow, via I10, I15, off onto Route 66 (unfortunately no “girls, my lord, in a flat bad ford, slowing down to take a look at Daddy”), before finally stopping at Barstow to get some "gas".

After a light lunch, kindly supplied by Gimger, it was back onto the I15 and through the Mojave Desert, the boundaries of which are usually defined by the presence of Yucca Brevifolia. One wonders if U2 would have sold quite as many copies of an album called Yucca Brevifloia, or whether the “Joshua Tree” was indeed a better bet. Whatever, his proximity to the symbol of such an iconic album prompted Dumpy to bear witness to his love of the Edge by giving us a rendition of “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for” Thankfully the rest of the Hogs were able to find the off button on their radios.

After another 150 miles, or 3 hours including 14 toilet breaks (well Daddy is 72 and the control isn’t what it used to be), the city of Las Vegas finally appeared on the horizon. The ride into ‘Vegas gave the Hogs their first real experience of riding the bikes in traffic, a potentially hazardous experience given the size and weight of the bikes, and our relative inexperience of riding them. Thankfully, it didn’t turn out to be anywhere near as perilous as it could have been, we arrived at our hotel in one piece after riding some 270 miles.

As mentioned above, our first stop after checking into the hotel was the pool on the eigth floor, but given that my roomate has now arisen, and wishes to add his own special slant to Saturdays proceedings, I yield control of the computer to Dumpy Hog, will save the details of our time in Las Vegas until my next installment.

However, just before I go, it’s time for ……

“Paddy’s Final Thought”

After yesterdays overly sentimental final thought, your author has decided that today’s offering will be more in line the image of the tough bikers we are trying to portray. Grrrrrrr !!!

Therefore today’s thought is about the similarities between a glass of cold beer at the end of long days riding, and the Mild Hogs USA Tour itself.

Firstly, there is the suggestion that one might be able to “go for a pint”

Then there is the planning – what pub should we go to, how should we get there, what clothes should we wear, will we be insured, can we take our helmets in the pub, etc.?

Next is the anticipation – the counting of the months, weeks and finally days before we get to go to the pub

Then there is the moment of doubt – will the beer be as good as we hoped, will there be a fight at the pub, will we be chased across Death Valley by some Rednecks shouting “I’m a gonna make you squeal like a pig”

Then there is the first sip – the beginning of something that has been planned for years and the realisation that it is finally here

Next is savouring the pint itself

Then there is the sense of disappointment as you realise that the beer is slowly coming to an end

Then there is the hope that one might be able to partake of the experience again

And, finally, there is the sense of hope dashed as the ever patient Mrs Hogg says “you have another pint and I’m off “

"Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other".

Bodyclock Blues

Why is it that my body just can't understand or accept my superbly thought out plan to quickly re-align my body clock to US PST?
Keep awake as long as possible, maybe grab a few Zzzzs on the plane then, when I do hit the sack, I'll be that cream crackered I'll sleep for at least 6 hours and will be as fresh as a daisy for the first ride of the tour - Job Done!
Well the first part went according to plan (except not being able to sleep on the plane due to a pair of inconsiderate Irish elephants in the seats in front of Ginger & me) and managed to last till 11:00pm over here (7 AM UK time). So why was I wide awake at 3AM without a hope of getting more, much needed, beauty sleep and trying to pass away the early hours writing this post? Red Bull for breakfast & lunch me thinks!!
So, as I write this it's 3 and a bit hours until I collect my C90 - I soooooooooooo hope there is no mix up with the bikes and I end up riding a Harley! Until later my friends - best wishes to all, Boss Hog.

Day One : East Midlands to Los Angeles

And they're off - at 12:20 (BST), Virgin Atlantic flight VS007, (incessanly cslled the "the James Bond flight" by the flight crew) took off from Heathrow Airport, bound for Los Angeles - no mean feat given (a) that Dumpy was on board, and (b) the volume of additional "refreshments" required on board to satisfy the Mild Hogs thirst over the next 11 hours (Gin and Tonic for Ginger, Southern Comfort and Canada Dry for Paddy, Pink Champagne for Boss, "Old Speckled Bishops Fingers Dogfish’s Head Grasscuttings Ale" for t'Northern Lad, and Malibu and Diet Coke, but not too strong please, for Dumpy.

 Our blog left you earlier this morning (or was it yesterday morning - the time difference is beginning to really do my head in) with an idea of how your author would be picking up the rest of the Hogs, and then setting off for Heathrow. I am pleased to report, that at 6:30 BST, and with Dumpy safely lashed to the roof rack, the Hog Bus did indeed set off of for "dat dare London".

On the way down, there was a particularly emotional moment when a tear formed in Boss's eyes. His companions wondered what was up - perhaps he was missing Jo and gthe kids more than he first thought, or maybe he could hear the sound of Bow Bells as we approached "the smoke". We actually settled on the fact that he had had a sudden realisation that Ginger Hog wasn't joking, that his bag was indeed packed full of 8 year old grundies ("apple catchers" I believe is the term of choice), and that he would be sharing a room with them over the next week or so.

Whatever it was, Boss had got over it as the Hog Bus made its final approach to the valet parking area at Heathrow Terminal 3 (told you we are roughing it) and deposited the, by now somewhat excited Hogs, outside the main entrance.

Check in was eventually successfully negotiated once it had been explained to Ginger that asking to sit upstairs on an Airbus 340-600 would actually mean that he would be strapped to the roof …… at which point someone remembered that we had forgot to untie Dumpy, and that by now he was probably in some dodgy car park just outside Heathrow. After some debate (and a 2:2 vote before Boss used his casting vote to break the deadlock), it was decided to ring the parking company, and see if they would drop Dumpy back to the airport – after all, if they hadn’t, then one of the remaining three Hogs would have to be the butt of your authors lame attempts at humour, and no one wanted to take the risk of it being them.

Once Dumpy had been recovered, passing through Security was also a reasonably uneventful experience (sorry, dear readers, no comments here about Dumpy, private rooms and rubber gloves), and by 9:15 the Mild Hogs sat down to their first Budweiser of the day, indeed the holiday. At 9:16 the Mild Hogs sat down to their second Budweiser of the day, and at 9:17 ….. Dumpy fell asleep.

The four remaining Hogs passed the rest of the morning doing the sort of things that experienced business travellers do at times such as this – a quick look around the shops, a few pints, a bite to eat, shaving off a sleeping colleagues eyebrows etc. before being called to the plane at about 11:20

The flight itself was long - very long - but on the whole, quite pleasurable experience, although Boss did get slightly uneasy when the pilot announced that number one engine had failed, and that consequently flying time would be extended by one hour. Ginger wasn’t overly impressed when the pilot later informed us that number two engine had failed, thus adding a further hour to the flight time, and when it was announced that number three engine had also failed, adding two more hours to the journey time, Dumpy was heard to comment that he hoped the fourth engine didn’t fail, as “we will be up here all day!”

I think the Hogs would all agree that Virgin gave them one of their better long haul experiences - the flight crew where very efficient, but also found time to have a laugh with their charges. The entertainment on offer was first rate, and the food would not have been out of place in a high street restaurant, let alone in a speeding metal tube travelling at 550 mph some 7 miles above the surface of the earth

Clearly, Daddy Hog was overwhelmed by the whole experience.

Anyway, on arrival in Los Angeles at 15:20 PT (Pacific Time = BST – 8hrs), it took the Hogs an hour to pass through baggage reclaim, US Passport Control, and US Customs (which, as it turns out, is not a lecture on the more contrary habits of Americans such as calling their national sporting championships “World Championships”, or the boot of a car, the “truck” etc.) but rather a check that we weren’t bringing any illegal substances, like a proper language, into the States. Your author spent most of that time talking to folks from the aul country who were arriving in LA for their daughters wedding. At one point in the conversation, i actually thought they were getting more excited about our trip than the upcoming nuptials, but there you go !

Once “landside”, we were eventually met by our pre booked Shuttle Bus, and set off on the final part of the day’s journey, from the airport to Baldwin Park – “through da ‘hood” – to the Courtyard by Marriott Hotel. Actually, we weren’t near any ‘hood, but I’ve always wanted to say that, but it was through LA's Friday afternoon traffic, which was, out simply "brutal". Don't be fooled by the gamnourous image that we in Eurpoe have about LA - the bots that we saw yesterday where scruffy and uncared for - I think that Daddy called the whole place "functional" which ias as good a term as any.

Anyway, once we had checked into the hotel, (Daddy, Ginger and Grundies in 1 room, Paddy and Dumpy in another, and Boss in the third), there was time for a couple of quick beers before a bite to eat at Sizzlers Restaurant (described to us as "the McDonalds of the Steak House World") and a trip around the biggest supermarket (Wallmart) you have ever seen, before finally off sloping off to bed at about 21:30 PT (05:30 BST) in readiness for tomorrow, and the first day of the trip proper – Los Angeles to Las Vegas.

“Paddy’s Final Thought”

In the first of what may well be an irregular series, your author would like to offer a final thought on any lessons learned from the day’s events (a bit like Jerry’s Final Thought, but without the such as adultery, divirce, homophoba, homosexuality, incest, infedelity, pornography, prostitution, racism, strbage fetishes, or transvestism – or at least, that’s the plan – you never know with Dumpy).

Today’s theme is about how lucky we Hogs are to be here. 

1. 
   
   Lucky because we have families who understood how much we wanted to do this, and who have put up with our incessant ranting about the finer details of a trip on which they would be coming.
2. 
   
   Lucky because we have good friends with which to share the trip (on the bikes and via our blog), and finally,
3. 
   
   Lucky because … we have our health to allow us to do

As Jerry himself would say, "until next time, take care of yourselves and each other". 

And off we go !

Good morning everyone, and what a beautiful morning it is too!

To be fair, we could be in the middle of a hurricane or some other severe weather system, but providing that it didn't stop travel to and from, and flights in and out, of Heathrow Airport, I'm not sure that I would really notice, because ..... Today's the Day !

After two years of informal planning, and the last 9 months of full on, in your face, attention to detail, planning, the day on which the Mild Hogs start their epic road trip has finally arrived. In just about 30 minutes your author will bid farewell to Mrs Hogg and family (apparently the hog-lets want to be woken up to see me leave, which may lead to interesting times later in the day - thank goodness I will on the other side of the world) and set off for Boss Towers to collect Boss and Daddy, who stayed there last night.

After Daddy's zimmer frame is safely stowed, it will be off to Chez Ginger, and finally down into deepest, darkest Northamptonshire to collect Dumpy (what's all this "The Hedge" nonsense about ?) from his humble abode, curiously called "Dunworkin", before heading off down towards the big smoke, and a fun morning at Heathrow Airport.

It would be just typical for me to sit here and wax lyrical about how much we were all looking forward to the trip, only to realise that if I didn't get a move on, we might well miss the plane. Therefore, for that reason, I am going to take my leave of you, finish my last minute pre flight checks, and finally "get this show on the road".

Hopefully we might find time to provide an update of progress later today - assuming of course that Dumpy has remembered to charge the "tour PC" (thanks Curtis)

Laters !

Not long now

This is my first entry to this blog and as we are now only a day before we depart on our mid life crises trip, i thought i would lose my blog virginity so to speak.
Now it can be said that i have done quite a bit of travelling in the past and had some great holidays with the family but i have never felt as i do now, which is a bit like a 5 year old on Christmas eve, or as Steve (Boss Hog) wrote in a recent email to the chap we are hireing the bikes from, soooooooooooooo excited! (what a girl!).
Clearly before the fun starts I am to endure an 11 hour flight with my hoggy friends who will probably consume too much alcohol and upset the other travellers by being loud and leery, obviously I on the other hand will have my head in a book by shakespeare and my hand on a mug of horlicks for the whole flight!

From reading this entry (as short as it is) you will understand that I am the sensible one of the bunch, but I feel I should offer this reasurance to my wife who knows me best:

• I wont lose our house in the casinos of Vegas
• I wont run away with Britney Spears if I meet her in LA
• I wont look at any breasts in strip bars along the way
• I wont come home in plaster cast having fallen off my bike
• I wont come home with tattooed swear word on my arse

I promise Jules, honest!

That will do for now, I will attempt to make other entries along the way if possible.

To my fellow hogs ..... LETS AVE IT!!!

Paddy's Confidence Grows

Dear Reader,

Credit where credit is due. Not 6 months ago Paddy Hogg, having confirmed his participation in The Mild Hog's USA soiree, was facing a personal confidence crisis. In September 2010 he would be embarking on an epic journey riding over 1,400 miles in a week, yet he had not ridden a motorcycle for many years.

Confidence was low; could he dust off the cobwebs of his saddle and take to the road again? Could he overcome his anxieties and once more feel something throbbing between his legs?
Could he convince 'er indoors that wearing leather again was something she should embrace?

With such monumental challenges to overcome it was a very testing time for Paddy, however through the sheer hard work, grit and determination (of his local bike dealer) his mothballed 2-wheeled stallion was once again ready to kiss the tarmac of Melton Mowbray with its rubber. And there they were, re-united again after all these years - man and machine as one. Such a beautiful sight.

So, dear reader, you may think that all is well. Far from it. This intrepid reporter has been sent some rather alarming news which, if true, suggests that Paddy's new found confidence has grown out of control and to a very dangerous level. An anonymous source has sent me some disturbing evidence which suggests that Paddy, on a recent summer holiday, hired a motorcycle for his amusement and threw caution to the wind by riding without an approved safety helmet. Now, this maybe technically legal in some countries however safety must come first (unless you're Ginger, in which case it comes a poor second behind 'Style') and yours truly will be "'avin a word in 'is shell like" to put Paddy back on the straight and narrow. The following image is not clever. It is posted as a source of information only and with the warning that you should never ride without an approved safety helmet. Tut Tut Paddy xx.

Blog Active

The Blog is now "active", with the pages on the Mild Hogs and The Bikes complete.

The section on the route gives some details, but will updated in due course

Enjoy !